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TO   THE   LIGHTHOUSE

felt   this   thing   that   she   called   life   terrible,
hostile, and quick to pounce on you if you gave
it a chance.    There were the eternal problems:
suffering;   death;   the poor.    There was always
a woman dying of cancer even here.    And yet
she had said to all these children, You shall go
through with it.    To eight people she had said
relentlessly that (and the bill for the greenhouse
would be fifty pounds).    For that reason, knowing
what was before themólove and ambition and
being wretched alone in dreary placesóshe had
often the feeling, Why must they grow up and
lose it all?    And then she said to herself, brandish-
ing her sword at life, nonsense.    They will be
perfectly happy.    And  here  she  was,  she re-
flected, feeling life rather sinister again, making'"
Minta  marry  Paul  Rayley;    because  whatever
she might feel about her own transaction and
she had had experiences which need not happen
to everyone (she  did  not  name them  to her-
self); she was driven on, too quickly she knew,
almost as if it were an escape for her too, to
say that people must marry; people must have
children.

Was she wrong in this, she asked herself, re-
viewing her conduct for the past week or two, and
wondering if she had indeed put any pressure
upon Minta, who was only twenty-four, to make
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